The beginning of college education is a crucial moment in the life of the whole family: both children and parents. Students are motivated by interest, young ambitions, and belief in a bright future, while parents are concerned to protect children from possible mistakes in adulthood and give the necessary advice. Up to this point, everything was familiar and understandable, and what is waiting for the newly-made student after the matriculation is difficult to predict.Uncertainty in front of the future in one or another way causes stress for the family members. Now you are in a new social role, in a new environment and far away from home with absolute freedom in your hands. In such conditions, it is very difficult and important to be able to maintain peace and good relations with parents. In this article, you will find some useful tips on how to do this best.
- Do not build big expectations
It applies to both students and parents. Young people have heard from adult plenty of stories that the student years are one of the best period in human’s life. They start to suppose that students live happily and carefree. But this freedom has another side of the coin – responsibility. On your shoulders is the choice between to attend a lecture or to skip it, to write an essay by yourself or to order it on essay service, to spend the evening preparing for a test or to spend it with friends in the club. There is no mom or dad here to control you. You are learning to take decisions and to take responsibility for the actions on your own.As for the parents, they expect high marks and rational behavior from their son or daughter. Parents want to see their children successful and sensible, as they have invested a lot in their upbringing. But in reality, students just begin to manage the independence that was presented to them. They will make mistakes, do stupid things and learn to cope with difficulties. You should realize and accept it.
- Learn to solve the problems
Far away from the home comfort, you face a need to learn to how to be practical and to handle on your own small tasks and problems. If at home your mother always cooked for you, then living in a students dormitory you will have to master this skill by yourself. The same applies to the ability to plan your budget, pay the bills, keep your accommodation in order, set your schedule and meet deadlines. Also, learn to cope with small difficulties in the study on your own. Do not allow parents to speak for you with a teacher or curator. Try to settle all the issues and solve the problems personally, without the intervention of relatives.Parents, in their turn, are recommended to trust their children and believe in them. Provide them full freedom of action, but let them know that you are always ready to listen and render your help if they need it. Try to see in your child an adult person, because he/she already is. And the best help from you is just support, and with everything else, they will cope with their own efforts.
- Communicate more with each other
To make parents trust you more and not to worry about you, try to talk to them, share your progress and achievements, ideas and plans for the future, ask them for advice in stressful situations. It does not show you as a dependent person, but rather as a mature and balanced personality. Parents will be proud of you and will not even have an idea to control every step you take, as they see that you are able to cope well with your life.When children are in the distance, it is especially important for parents to feel needed and not forgotten by their children. They wait for calls from their students once per week or a couple of times per month, even if they are very busy with the study and their own affairs. During communication, it is desirable to avoid any criticism and advice. Most probably children will contact you more frequently and be more open if they feel support and understanding from your side.
- Find compromises
Conflicts will never help to solve any problem in any sphere of life. It is more productive to avoid them, especially with dear people. If you have any disagreements, try to find a compromise – some general solution. Do not limit your vision of the situation only to your own opinion. Perhaps after listening to your parents, you will realize that you did not notice some nuances before that became obvious just now.Be patient with each other, do not try to prove your rightness or press with your authority. Respect in your child a person who has the right to his opinion, even if it is different from yours. There is no reason to quarrel because of the assessments, playing truant or some tricks from the student, try to talk quietly and understand the situation, together you can find the best solution.
- Be grateful
Your education at the university is your common merit with the parents. Most likely they gave a lot of efforts to provide you with this opportunity. Imagine how much more difficult it would be without their help, both material and moral. They taught you everything, gave you their time, attention, care. These are people who are always sincerely worried about you and wish you only the best. Appreciate them and do not hesitate to show your gratitude.For every parent, their children are always the best, even if they rarely tell them about it. Be proud of your children, no matter how they are. And also if sometimes they create difficulties in your life, they still bring joy and happiness to it. Be grateful to them for it.Any relations demand work that is not always easy, and especially if it is the relations between parents and their adult children (even if not absolutely adult). But no matter how difficult is it, you need to maintain and develop these relations, because do you want it or not, they affect all the spheres of your life, including successes in the study, personal growth, and career. It is in your interest to do your best in order to make this relation happy!